Updates. and apologies and random thoughts

Hello to anyone who is reading this. I apologize for not posting for a long time. Life has been busy. Sometimes I wonder where life is leading. I have since moved out of my parent's house. I live in an apartment. It's a big step. I still have yet to find a fulltime job. I am hopeful that i will find one that i can do sucessfully without too much struggle. It does make me ponder... does having a job determine worth? No, of course not. A person is a person whether they are poor or rich, unemployed or part time or fulltime. What job you have is not your whole identity. Yes, it is part of it. By nature, we as human beings need to be productive, and current society and economy is cost based; one need money to live, and having a job is how one oridnarily makes money. But, some can't work in the traditonal sense due to disability. But they do have a need to have a purpose. This is where it is important to examine why so often what one does for a living is intertwined with their life. I guess what I'm saying is, i have wondered what kind of job will i have in the future. What will i be? It seems that that notion implies that in order to feel normal, i have to be something.. for example, i am waiting to hear back from Walmart. When i graduated, I graduated with a bachelor's in sociology...hoping to get a job that would utilize that degree. working at walmart may not utilize the degree, but it is a JOB. It is important then, to be able to define a person by personality, and what they are like, rather than what their job is. A child with high fucntioning autism might wonder, what will i BE, when i grow up. Notice, they don't say.. what Job will i have, but rather what will i be? What if they can't work and will need to have help the rest of their life? What will they BE then? A person with value and need for love purpose, and security. So, it could be said that some may need to stop worrying so much about what kind of career can i have, but instead what kind of person can i be? How can i make a difference? This has been a random thought blogpost.. I hope it makes sense :)

the special needs battle Of and For perspective:Us Versus Them-WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE??

Greeetings my readers, for those of you anxiously waiting for an update on posts, well here it is.. this one is conflict theory based. For those of you not familiar with conflict theory paradigm, its founder was the same person who was responsible for the phenomenon known as Communism. Yes, you guessed it, Karl Marx. While i MUST take exception to his ideas about the uselessness of religion (due to the fact i am a man of faith, always have been and always will be), i do relate to his idea that the upper and lower classes struggle for dominance and control, which is the basic strife of society in his view. Enter the special needs funding cuts and what have you, and you definitely have a battle. There's a battle of ideas and attitudes about special needs. In my blog hopping i came across a comment Love that Max, where a person stated that she was told by a person she was having a conversation with that she wouldn't want special needs kids in the school because it would-get this-LOWER THE TEST SCORES OF THE SCHOOL. Not because she feared that the kids wouldnt be accepted, not because she felt that they would disrupt the environment of learning (which MIGHT actually be more valid concerns), but rather it made the school look poorer academically The commenter noted how she felt like her head would explode in anger, and I myself was incensed enough by the remark to not comment, but write an entire blogpost about this. Perhaps the person here was approaching the cynicism of Marx so the reference is apt. Indeed, the totalitarian regimes often were abandoning of people with special needs. In the blog post itself, the author related how she was having a conversation with a woman about autism and budget cuts and that money should only go to those with moderate to light autism versus sever autism because those with severe autism have less chance of benefiting society. Quite frankly, this utilitarian approach scares me. Every child regardless of ability or lack thereof deserves to receive any and all support they need to live the life to the FULL. THAT is where money should be spent, NOT on bridges that lead to nowhere, or buying a politician a Lear Jet. Some might argue that we have to take a rational approach to this, sort of like Rebecca Payne took in the Movie John Q when Mike Archibald was dying. So, in order to be rational then, we as a society have to be utilitarian? I think not. We lose our humanity, our sense of decency. It is this attitude that i have seen where people comment on YoutTube videos about special needs persons that they should be left to die, that they are burdens for society etc etc. if this is being rational, then I for one REFUSE to be rational. Why does there have to be a fight for those with disabilites? Why is there an us vs them mentality? It's like i said before, that either you get special needs or you dont, and if you do, you have either special needs yourself or you know someone who does. If you dont get it, you have the very real and scary potential to be crude and rude. IT is peopole like those that use the R word without regard to who they are insulting. It is very late here and i must bring this blogpost to a close. Please find below the link to the blogpost in question; be warned reading it may make one's blood boil. NOT because what the author says, but what other people say. But, it also may inspire hope. The blog writer, Ellen S, writes a very compelling blog about life with Max, an 8 year old with cerebral palsy. This has become one of my favorite blogs to read..highly recommend it. http://www.lovethatmax.com/2012/06/my-child-with-special-needs-is-not.html

Unexpected turns

Life often takes unexpected turns... case in point.. i was expecting to finish out the year substitute teaching and then go back to the special needs camp again this summer.. But, that all changed when I was offered a part-time job involving finding resources for people who need them. And I accepted, of course. I would be a fool not to take it, after all, its a regular 20 hour week job. It's just that i was attached to the special needs camp to a degree where i actually went through with withdrawal, and it took time to come to terms with the fact that i probably won't return to work there THIS summmer..there is always the hope of next summer. Another unexpected turn is that this job involves driving out of town, as far as an hour away on a semi-regular basis. Oh boy. Well, if i ever want to become independent in driving long distances (which I do) now is the time. Oh, for those of you who don't know, I do well enough driving independently around town and for relatively short distances (read: hour or less), but when it comes to driving say, 4 hours, ive never driven that far by myself. So, now is the time where i drive an hour and a half west of here and an hour south on a regular basis.

Also, ive thought a lot about where my life is leading. What will i do with my life after ive reached the goals ive set out for myself( pay off college debt). Will i obtain my goal of marriage? Of rasining a family? Of total independence, moving out of my parent's house? Of working as an occupational therapist? To be perfectly and utterly bluntly honest, I don't know. But what i do know is i will never give up striving to improve myself, even if the days seem like there are days where i feel so lazy i dont feel like doing the tasks i neeed to do.

As a cradle Catholic, i have a strong faith in God and i know He has a plan for me. It is that assurance alone that has brought me this far. I don't know if i would have made int through college without His help. Praying to him through the intercession of St Jude, patron saint of impossible causes seemed to help mounds. I found a focus i didnt have before. So, There is strength that i can have to overcome daily struggles.

To anyone who is reading this who may have a child with a disability, be it developmental or otherwise, autism or cp, etc, know this: You are not alone in your fight, and you do not bear your burdens alone. There are people who live the same struggles as you do. Keep up the good fight, fight for your child to the death, and NEVER give up hope, do not lose heart. For those of you who have a child recently diagnosed, i say this: take the doctor's words WITH A GRAIN OF SALT. Often times, doctors and other "experts" take a very pessimistic view of your child's quality of life. My mother was given the same bleak prognosis by either doctors or teachers or psychologists, i couldn't remember. My mom decided to ignore that bleak prognosis, and never discouraged me from following my aspirations and dreams. Look at the result: a 28 year old man, graduated from college, with a Bachelor's and an Associate degree, studied abroad in China, gainfully employed (part time, but still gainfully), driving independently, and working to pay off his loans in hopes of becoming an occupational therapist someday in order to help others with the same situation. I could have been like so many others i have rad about who are higher functioning who don't finish college. I could have thought, i can't go any farther, i might as well stop here. And those of you who have read my previous blog posts know that there were times that i didn't know if id make it through college. But, NO. I am a fighter. I see what i want in life and pray for God's grace and perseverance, and try my darnedest to LIVE LIFE TO THE FULL. It isn't always easy, but when is life ever easy?

Snow snow snow

I have a love-hate relationship with snow. I love it because it is so pretty, and has been known to inspire yous truly to write poetry (unfortunately, said poem was lost when pevious computer crashed), it creates idyllic landscapes worthy of any painter's brush who just happens to feel like painting a wintery theme.

I hate it because its cold, and its a pain to shovel and an even more pain to drive on. I am thamkful for the blessing of fianlly having good traction on my car. But, it's not all bad. At least i don't have the situation of having to park a long way away from where my classes are, like i used to before i was a college senior. Of course i dont take any classes, but thats beside the point. I don't recall in recent months or years (since i graduated in May 2010, 2 years ago this may..WOAH!) having to park in a parking lot and walk more than 50 feet to my buldiing in 14 degree (or less) weather. (Michigan January anyone?)

peace out!

More updates...

To my small but loyal group of followers.. Greetings and apologies.. apologies for not keeping up with this blog. My life gets very busy. I guess a sociological insight i can give is this.. when it comes to the special needs community, we are a quite homogenous group. In order to actually "get" a person who has special needs and know how to relate in a way that doesn't come off as perhaps insulting or ignorant, you either have to have special needs yourself, or know someone who does. Society in general does not understand autism as much as a parent of an autistic child does. They do not know what the word "autistic" truly means. They may know in their head what that entails..oh yeah, they have difficulty with social commutation, reception etc. But they dint know what that MEANS until they are face to face with someone who has those difficulties. I realized myself its one thing to read about autism and having meltdowns and perseverations and the like and another to actually work with persons on the spectrum and see the good and the bad aspects first hand. No doubt my own experience on the spectrum proves useful to understanding my students who have asperger's and autism and the like..

It also strikes me how the special needs community is a quite small world. Ive run into the same people (children, usually) at two different settings or more.. and its funny how we all "know" the same people and have similar connections.
Speaking of the special needs community, i have been proud to serve in one capacity or another..respite care worker, summer camp counselor, etc...but the jobs i had were always temporary, or always filling in. But my perseverance and patience have paid off. I landed a Part time job as a recovery coordinator for an organization known as SAIL or Superior Alliance for Independent Living. What it entails is providing outreach and resources for individuals living with serious mental illness who no longer qualify for services at community mental health. This definitely a step in the right direction. The only down side is it requires driving out of town i the winter..which im nervous about..but ill manage somehow.. pay is definetly worth it..12 bucks an hour. Peace out!

6 months later...

Well, i finished out hte year subsitute teaching..and leave this morning to return to the special needs camp i worked at last year. I will be there till september 1. Peace ou!

Update....

Hello...for those of you who are reading this.... I do apologize...im just as bad about updating this blog as i am with handwriting.....just kidding. Actually, my handwriting has improved.....but, i still rely on a computer to type everything. If i really need to, given time and enough writing space, i can write legibly, just have to work harder at it. Which is good, beacause sometimes in my job, i have to write things for kids...what job is that, you ask? I work as a substitute teacher, and substitute instructional aide...so im busy....I love my job, because i love kids...and enjoy seeing them reach their potential.

Working at a Summer Camp..

Well, this is my first chance to update in quite a while.. not that i regularly update this blog anyway, right :). I've just been busy working as a counselor/diswasher, and thers no internet at the camp..had to wait until my day off and to go to a big city to get internet access.

Things are still going well.. LOVE my job.. got a great mix of kids at the camp.. life is good!

Waiting is over..got a job offer!

Well, my patience and hard work finally paid off..i got a call back from the special needs camp i applied to with a job offer..part time dishwasher, part time roving counselor..the director didnt want to give me more than i could handle, im happy with that..leaving Thursday to start the job..gonna get moved in an acclimated..so that means i may be not able to update this blog.. ill post when i can!

Hanging around...

Well, i graduated, now what? Hope to find a job...waiting to hear back on an interview i had with the director of a special needs camp..my dream job :D. In the meantime, i find ways to keep my self somewhat busy..lol..computer games and watching star trek DVDs.. just checked out some Chinese books, so i can brush up on my chinese a little bit. Also, i may try my hand once again at programming my own amateur adventure game.. that will keep me occupied for a good month or two, im sure :). Lucky for you readers, i have a lot more time to blog..but may not have much to blog about, now that classes are done... no profound sociolgical insights today..sorry.. which is partly the reason i started this blog. But more than that, this is the blog of an individual living with PDD-NOS, sharing my challenges and joys. Seeing as how autism by defeniton involves a lack of social sense, doesnt it make sense to blend a discussion of social theory and one of autism?

Commencement 2010

Wow, what a great ceremony, and the speech given by my classmate was excellent. Having one of my clasmates give the student portion of the address made me proud to be a sociology major.. Class of 2010 RULES! Pictures are forthcoming

I MADE IT!!!!!!

I have succesfully completed all my required classes for my Bachelor's in Sociology-Social sevices, including the senior project! I am GRADUATING!!! Yahoo! Oh YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will be sure to post graduation pics as soon as i get them...looks like ill have to change the title to sociology graduate with pdd-nos..and when the DSM V comes out, i might have to change it agian...they're lumping it all together as autism specturm disorder..peace out!

Autism...where does one stand?

I thought I'd share something that is on my mind. I came across a well written article on a blog titled "Facing Autism in New Brunswick" http://autisminnb.blogspot.com/
This father raises a thought provoking point. He says that it is politically correct now to stigmatize intellectually disabled persons on the autism spectrum. If this is true, this is not tolerable. There should be no room for stigma of any sort in this day and age. Further, he disagrees with the notion that those with severe autism have hidden talents. I must confess, that in this blog, i have stated, either explicitly or implicitly, and in my posts in other places, that if i can be successful (college student, have driver's license etc) other people can too. I think i need to clarify and revise that sentiment. I'm not living with rose-colored glasses; I don't pretend that every person on the autism spectrum is a savant, the next rain man, or a hidden genius, or the next Einstein. That being said, however, it IS true that every person on the autism spectrum does have the capacity to bring some positive contribution to those around them.

First, let me address, as i understand it, the two main "camps" of autism: those who are proud to be autistic, and see it as a neural difference rather than a real disability, and those who seek to treat autism as a serious disability that needs treatment, cures, and so on. I will say this: I am neutral in this debate; I'm on the fence, i haven't decided where i will stand. But, my question is: WHY does it have to be a battle?

I've heard it said that the only ones who want a cure are those with lower functioning autistic children, that those whose children are severely autistic and intellectually disabled. I don't know if that's necessarily true, because it implies that they are the only ones who have a struggle. Let me say this: I am "high functioning" yet I STRUGGLE.. I struggle to remember to clean up after myself. I struggle to find the strength to focus on my work. Life as a person on the autism spectrum is NOT all roses and glamor. There is real struggle involved.

However, i do see that some see their autism as positive. There are all sorts of stories of the really good artists, mathematicians, etc, etc. of those who are on the higher end of the spectrum, and sometimes of those on the lower end of the spectrum.

The real problem? The real problem is that those who speak about autism, negatively OR positively tend to generalize. Either its all good, or its all bad. Autism affects different people in different ways. For some, it may be a devastating condition that severely affects the way they live day to day life. For others with that same exact set of circumstances, it could be the path to the greatest creative mind. and, for some, its both

For me, personally, i see having an ASD as BOTH positive and negative.

I see it as positive because I have an intellect and memory that i am proud of; and being a person on the spectrum allows me to help others with this disorder, because I know what's going on in the inside, at least on some levels. It has made me who i am.

On the negative side, it is sometimes frustrating to be disorganized and sometimes socially inept. I still find social situations awkward, and I'm no stranger to misinterpretation, being misunderstood. So, there are days when i wish I was normal. That being said, by and large, I am happy the way i am. I do realize that there are parents and individuals on the spectrum who don't share that sentiment, and they have valid reasons. It is important to respect differences in opinion regarding autism, because, as i have said, autism affects different people differently.


At the bare minimum, this sentiment should apply to everybody; life is a glass of water. You can either choose to see the glass half empty, or half full. Sometimes, it's half empty, sometimes it's half full.

For those parents of children who have severe autism, and seek a cure: by all means, seek the cure. However, i am of the opinion that the best way to start is to love and accept them where they are at, and to find ways to be happy if after many attempts, they cannot progress beyond that. I'm not saying that means you should accept them that way forever, but see that autism is a part of them, because unlike cancer, AIDS, or other things I've seen autism compared to, autism affects the brain and nervous system, the parts that define individuality. Persons who have a brain injury often have radically different personalities than before their injury. Thus, if you were to cure autism, you may end up with a child with a very different personality.

(ANOTHER caveat here: when i say cure, I DO NOT mean selective termination of of pre-term babies with autism, nor do i advocate eradicating autism. Rather, i DO support those who want to seek treatments to address the behavioral dificulties that many parents with children with autism face. It's one thing to want to "cure" autism by aborting those who have it, and a very different thing to help those who have it live fuller lives through therapy.)

Try to see the good things that a child can do... even if they are low functioning. At the bare minimum..children with severe ASD can teach their parents and caregivers patience, which is always a good virtue to learn, although sometimes very frustrating .
The important thing to remember is even in strife and anguish, there is grace. Life is suffering in one way or another. It's what one DOES with that suffering that makes the difference.

My Senior project in a Nutshell

Blogposter

Here is my senior project poster, with identifying info removed for safety reasons :) Please click on menu and view full screen to view the legible version. Enjoy.

Please note: While i left my name off this poster, and the name of my university for reasons of privacy/safety, this IS a real research project conducted at a REAL university, and it is a year's worth of painstaking work. Please, if you are a student or some other person reading this who is tempted to plagarize this, PLEASE DON'T. This was a lot of hard work. This poster is only presented as a testemant to the potential that those who have autism or disabilites have to do great things; it is NOT meant to be someting for people to plagarize. If someone is doing research, and would like to cite my work as a refrence..please contact me at craneamongchickens@gmail.com and i will tell you everything you need to know to cite it.

2 weeks to GRADUATION!!!!!!

Yes, folks you read that right, 2 weeks, or for you time geeks, thats 336 hours, or...20,160 minutes.. 1,209,600 seconds...

This is for all you parents who have a kid with a disability, develompental or otherwise.. it IS possible to have a normal life and pursue dreams like college and a job. I'm living that dream. I still struggle with some aspects of independence, but, step by step, I'm getting there.

Let's say you just got the news your kid has autism. You wonder "Can my child succeed?" While i can't guarantee it, because every kid is different, i will say this: it is POSSIBLE. I struggled with college at times, i worked very hard, and ill be dead honest.. at several points, i seriously doubted whether I'd make it. But, i never gave up, i kept going..and now, well, now, I'm a stone's throw away from walking across that stage and recieving that degree(well, to argue semantics, they mail me the actual diploma; what they hand me at commencement is the diploma holder..but you get the point). Mom told me that a lot of people with autism who go to college don't finish....well, guess what? If your kid has the will, and you have TONS of patience, and your kid is really interested in what he/she is studying..it IS POSSIBLE! (Now, i do realize that not every child on the autism spectrum is high functioning, and has the ability to go to college. Thus, I'm NOT saying that i think that its possible for EVERY child on the Autism spectrum to do the thing's i have done. What I AM saying is that every child on the autism spectrum, high or low functioning, intellectually disabled or not, HAS something positive to contribute. More about this on my next blogpost :) )

So, what am i doing to prepare for the big day class wise for assigments? Well, the final assembly of our paper is due. That means all the individual sections together with a cover page and all the appendicies.. Mine turned out to be a WHOPPING 130 pages in all..33 of which is actual text..i know i promised the unabridged version..but i don't know if that is practical. because it would be so long.. and would be hard to read.. and i doubt that many of you would want to read 30 pages of stuff Maybe ill just post a copy of my poster instead and call it good. I suppose i can do that now..

Well.. Im halfway though the second semester of my senior project. Things have been very stressful.. but i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. its a LOT of work..ive workeded harder these past two semesters than i have my entire college career.. my appendix to my results section alone is 28 pages..

WOW

Here we begin another semester! MY LAST ONE!!!! Let me say that again: MY LAST ONE!!! Yes Sir, after i finish this I GRADUATE!!! I NEVER thought i would see this day, where all that is between me and a Bachelor's degree is one measly semester. Now, don't get me wrong; it's probably going to be a LOT of work..since this is the second half of my senior project.

Wow..

If anyone has been following this and anxiously waiting for posts.. i do apologize! I get busy with other things throughout the semester and lose interest in posting. But i do enjoy posting out here for those who like to read blogs.. I know i love reading blogs, there are two that i read with interest.. theashleykids.blogspot.com, and www.xaviersjourney.org.

Things are going VERY well here. I have begun my senior project this past semester. The title of the project says it all: The Impact of College Education on Sociopolitical Worldview. I am studying whether college really does make one more liberal, or if it is a combination of socialization factors and social background. I will be sure to post the complete unabridged study here when all is said and done. I got a webcam for Christmas, so i possibly may start doing video entries on this blog.. I got a B- on the first half of my senior project.. the second half i will begin January 11.

All for now!

Wow...yet again i fall behind on posting to te blog

Well.. i made it through my social work practicum. I successfully completed 360 hours of working at a mental health agency working with individuals on the autism spectrum, among other disabilities. I am now embarking on my senior research project. If all goes well.. i graduate May 2010..yes!

Yet again i fall behind on posting to the blog.. I'm almost done with Spring semester, i turned 26 this past Friday. I'm about to start my practicum in the summer if all goes well.

As far as my latest obsession... id rather not go into detail..medical stuff thats going on.. nothing really interesting anyway.. all for now!